Hunter S. Hard Drive, R.I.P.

In my search for an entry in my old blog, I re-discovered this gem. Thank the Tech Gods my Hard Drive is doing A-O.K.

Enjoy this post from August 2009:

I've just recently returned from the odyssey of having my hard drive die. It passed away right around the time I saw the excellent documentary Gonzo: The Life & Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson (see the trailer here), so I can't help but think that my hard drive just decided that it's life was over and shot itself in the head, as Dr. Thompson did. Perhaps I should shoot it off in a cannon, out into the backyard.

Many people are surprised to hear that I am a Hunter S. Thompson fan. After all, he was psychotic, violent and a complete drug addict. And yet...he was an excellent writer and liver of life. I am not a big sports fan, but I would read anything that Hunter wrote, knowing that, while I will read about the game, or the match, or the race, or whatever he was writing about, I would also read an incredible piece about the world and how he saw himself, and all of us, in it. His political writing is also incredibly insightful. There is a section of the documentary where Thompson goes to listen to a pre-president Carter make a speech to a bunch of lawyers (Thompson was the only reporter who bothered to attend) about how messed up lawyers are. Thompson was so moved he wrote a cover story about it in Rolling Stone magazine and many believe that is why Carter got elected.

One of my favorite movies of all time is the excellent Terry Gilliam film Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, based on the Thompson book of the same name. The movie stars Johnny Depp (who is genius in it) and Benicio del Toro (also incredible and so very odd). When I introduce the movie to my friends, it often ends with me cackling and screaming with laughter and my poor friend looking frightened and sad.  It is a sad movie, I suppose - but the richness of it's weirdness speaks deeply to my heart. As Terry Gilliam said himself "this film is not pre-digested baby food" - using the formula that the majority of Hollywood films made today use.

In the end, if Hunter S. Thompson was anything, he was a Freak, and there is nothing better to see than a Freak waving his Freak Flag. Being a Freak is about being real. Not necessarily truthful, although he was often that - but as many times as not, he was also a complete fabricator and story teller, as all good tricksters are.  His wild, creative abandon inspires me, always. 

Creating with Spirit, or collaborating with the inner divine is about recognizing the ways in which we are weird and different, which is really hard to do in this culture of "alternative as trendy" that we live in now.

So rest in peace Hunter S. Thompson and rest in pieces, Hunter S. Hard Drive.



Winter Solstice/How I Reclaimed the Holidays

This past year (and especially this December) has been a very transitional and transformational time for me. The time of the Solstice always is for me, but this one has been very intense - much more than any Solstice I can remember.

As I walk the journey of healing myself, I cut the psychic and energetic cords that were still attached to my mother and father. This has been a painful and essential process and an aspect of it seems to include reclaiming traditions for myself.

Note the Pyramid at the top. It's levitating!

Much like shifting a paradigm, I am re-discovering who I am and what I need and want from the world. I know for many this is easy to do, but I was raised an only child by parents who believed very intensely that happiness is indulgent and unfair to those who are unhappy. We must give of ourselves until there is nothing left and then we can take care of ourselves (i.e. wait until we get sick, have an accident, etc.).

This year, it became very clear to me that I needed to reclaim this holiday time. I was sick of feeling obligated to do what was expected of me. I needed to celebrate this powerful time for me in my OWN way.  But how? Fortunately my amazing and gorgeous friend Johanna was visiting. She and I have been very close for over 18 years. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime. Johanna brings out the witchy magic in me and vice-versa. I am convinced that in a past life, she and I were forbidden lovers in a nunnery in the Middle Ages, or some other magical, creative and naughty pairing.

When Johanna crafted a pyramid to levitate over our tree (since we didn't have a tree topper - see photo above) I knew the magic had begun.

Johanna & I prepare for the burn. Note my Grandmother's painting in the lower right.

Through a series of events, which included purging and re-organizing my art studio nook, we decided to burn a whole pile of stuff that had been wearing me down. You know the kind of stuff I'm talking about - the things you hang on to because you think you should, not because it inspires you or makes you happy. One of the objects I decided to burn was an old oil painting my grandmother painted of her grandmother.

And she is released.

It's the saddest, angriest painting I have ever seen (my grandmother had a very rough childhood, which all began with her own mother dying while giving birth to her). I rescued the painting from my Mother who was considering getting rid of it (understandably), and now I was hanging on to it out of some idea that it should be preserved for posterity.

Let me tell you IT FELT SO GOOD AND SO RIGHT to put that painting on that giant bonfire (and FYI, if you want a nice, roaring fire, just go down to your local thrift store and purchase some of thos ugly baskets that they have a jillion of - they make GREAT bonfire food!). As I watched my Great Great Grandmother's angry face slowly burn away, I felt the release of decades of female sadness lifting off of my body. I believe that the pain and wounds of our ancestors carry on inside of us and it is our job to release and heal as much as we can before the next generation comes along.

I am so ready for 2010 and all it has to bring. I am so excited to see what happens next on this powerful journey of creating with spirit and living an authentic life!

Art Every Day: 30 - The LAST day!

It's Day 30 and the final day of Creative Every Day's Art Every Day Month Challenge! I cannot believe it's over! I didn't post every day, as I had hoped, which the perfectionist in me sees like a bit of a failure. But I DO have exactly 30 postings with exactly 30 pieces of art for the month of November and that feels like a serious triumph! Perhaps if traveling and the holidays had not gotten in the way? Oh, who am I kidding? I would have missed a day no matter what month it was!

This is where I was the last couple of days - it's the Ripplewood! We honeymooned here four years ago and it's exactly as I remember it. We had a wonderful retreat with our fireplace, visits to Pfeiffer Beach, and an excursion to The Henry Miller Library - where my lovely and magical friend Susanna's two boys (human and feline) work and live.

We drove through Santa Cruz on the way home and stopped in at KIVA for a soak. We love hot water and try to get into it whenever and wherever we can. I feel rejuvinated!

I want to thank Leah Piken Kolidas for her wonderful offering to make art every day. I would like to continue with this incredible spiritual, creative process. Her website has inspiration for every month of the year - December's theme is RECYCLE.

I am so grateful to reconnect to my creativity and I hope to never lose sight of it again! Thanks to EVERYONE who supported and encouraged me in this process. I could never have done it without you!

See you soon!

Art Every Day: 29

It's Day 29 of Creative Every Day's Art Every Day Month Challenge!

This little sweetness came out of doodling over some collage pieces in my journal. The words do the opposite, come from Keri Smith's Artist's Survival Kit, which I have been playing with in several other pieces. I love the thought of "doing the opposite" at any moment I feel stuck in  my life.

And this little birdie makes me smile!

Art Every Day: 28

It's Day 28 of Creative Every Day's Art Every Day Month Challenge!

Not sure what to say about this one. The type comes from a grieving ritual I did with two amazing women, Emily Anderson and Jenny Brahman, while we were students at John F. Kennedy University. It was a very sweet and powerful ritual and it is so nice to be reminded of it.

And the rest of the drawing? Not sure I like how it turned out. One side is lighter due to a scanning issue, but I do like how that looks. Oh well...moving on!